Consider Yourself Warned...

I talk all the time.

I think even more than I talk.

I face severe consequences if I ever say what I really feel.

Hence, this blog.

Simply, really.

Just letting you know I never shut up...

Starting tomorrow. ;)

You can blame my perfectionism (I'm not posting till it's exactly how I want it) and Blogger's bipolar advanced template designer (It works, no it doesn't, it works, no, it doe-) for my first post being much ado about nothing.

Further secrets of the universe in the next exciting installment of Teal Tears.

I made a new discovery...Sarcasm Infinity.

Yeah, I'm tired, how'd you guess?

Night!

Notes Of Interest From The 2012 D.C. (1/4)

Notes closely transcribed from talk outlines, demonstrations, and experiences given at the 2012 "Safeguard Your Heart" district convention of Jehovah's Witnesses.


 Personal Note: I am never, ever going to one of these again. It is not worth getting up at six in the morning the whole damn weekend; driving for an hour, walking up and down what has to be sixty steps just to find a barely comfortable seat that I'm going to be expected to sit in for 4-5 hours straight, while listening to material that ranges anything  from mind-numbing and sleep-inducing to offensive, illogical, cultist, totalitarian garbage.  One small consolation that came from attending was that such extreme, outrageous things were said from the podium in an effort for control, that it no doubt, backfired and woke several members up.


Friday

Why Must We Safeguard Our Hearts?

• Are you interested in how you appear to others?
• "The world" is over-interested in appearances, fanatic over diets and weight-loss plans (which can lead to eating disorders).
• What about how your inner person, your heart, appears to others?
• Your figurative heart is the person you are within, the seed of motivation, and the core of who you are, holding your secret dreams, desires, motives, etc.

I was starting to snicker at how the brother giving this talk kept making sure to say figurative heart. I've heard a ton of ex-witnesses say that back in the 70's they thought the literal heart (not the brain) was where our thoughts and motivations began. Complete with a chart paraded around at assemblies. Someone clear this up for me. Didn't it light up and everything? Fred's thinking about what he's going to have for lunch and the muscle that's pumping blood through his veins begins to light up with the thoughts it contains? LOL!

• Ways the heart is referred to in the Bible. Proverbs 15:14, Matthew 9:4, Proverbs 16:5, & Matthew 11:29.
• The Bible is what opens the door for us to know ourselves and you can't truly no yourself without its help. (Hebrews 4:12). "dividing of the soul and spirit".

You know what? I'm not sure if the underlined part was specifically in the outline. I think it was implied rather than said. I remember thinking it, when the point was expounded on from the outline. Forgive me, it was a long weekend. I'd hate to verge on slander, saying they said something when they didn't.

• (2 Timothy 3: 16, 17) The Bible is for teaching, reproving, setting things straight, and disciplining  in righteousness.
• Bible = Mirror. The Bible is all about making further adjustments.

This, folks, is why JWs are always so exhausted. Forget grace and forgiveness, The Watchtower is a performance-based religion and no matter how much you do for "God" and the organization, it's never, ever enough. Hell, why we're at it, this is also the reason they're so depressed.

Remember what the definition of our (figurative heart) is? The inner person, who we really are inside? Well, throw Jeremiah 17:9 in here and the whole things starts making little to no sense. Breakfast for champions of the Ex-jw online community, also did a commentary (which was absolutely brilliant, the quality of mine is nowhere close) on the DC and pointed this out. I didn't understand what he meant until I replaced "heart" with "inner person" in my notes.

• Don't follow your heart. Your heart is inclined to bad, treacherous, and guarding it is the best way of life. If we follow it, we would lose our life.

Here, let's make this easier to see.

• Don't follow your inner self. Your inner self is inclined to bad from your youth up (Genesis 6:5, 8:21).
• Your inner self is like a car, take your hand off the steering wheel, and it veers to one side or the other.

Ever heard of power steering? 

• Your inner self is treacherous, desperately wicked, a double-crosser, devious, and not to be trusted.

BFC was correct when he said the society gradually breaks your sense of self. They're basically telling you to never trust you really feel. That gave me a lot of pain and anxiety growing up.

Do You Have A Balanced View Of Yourself?

• Don't think more of yourself than necessary..
• Some self-regard is valid (Matthew 19:19), but what if self-regard turns into haughtiness.
• Hagar was not grateful for her secondary wife position and pregnancy. She began to hate Sarah. (Genesis 16:4). God tells her to be humble and return to her mistress. Humility gained.

Ok, steam was coming out of my ears on this one.  Hagar wasn't grateful of her secondary wife position, how dare she! You know why I don't buy the Bible as the word of God? Israel was supposed to be ruled by the All-Mighty God, and yet somehow fits into the misogynistic trends of the times. Wives are property, men can have as many as they please regardless of how much strife it causes among the wives and their children. (See Joseph and his brothers, or the terrible situation with their mothers, Leah and Rachel). Why would a loving God ever allow polygamy to exist? Read a few books written by EX-FLDS members and see if anything's changed.

The better half of this part was spent repeatedly saying "Don't think too much yourselves" which finally swung over to "But don't think too little either!". Of course, the ending point was to make sure to cultivate humility.

Symposium: Beware Of Dangerous Heart Conditions

I have to take a moment to focus on what had to be the most ridiculous demonstration ever, and how it clearly illustrates that the leadership tells JWs to isolate themselves from everyone but other JWs. I'm para-phrasing most of it, so if you went, and see a mistake, please correct me.

A "sister" is approached at work by her supervisor. She's looking at a file.

Dan: (teasingly takes her file) Hey, sunshine! You're such a workaholic. How about some lunch?

Sister: Oh, sure! I'll meet you downstairs.

Sister: (think to herself). Sunshine! No one's ever called me that before. I know he's not a believer (JW) but Dan's so nice, nicer even than some of the "brothers" at the hall. Besides, I don't want to be alone every day at work. I need some companionship. I'm sure I could convince him of the truth. And it's just lunch.

Notice how for JWs, lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex automatically has them thinking of possible romantic intentions. I'm not physically out the organization, but even I realized how bizarre that was. In the real world, people have platonic friendships with others of the opposite sex all the time. But JWs aren't allowed normal platonic relationships where you just hang out one-on-one. If you're drawn to a person of the opposite sex in the organization (platonic, or romantic) you're expected to date, then marry them. Which is why the "sister"'s heart's all aflutter like a teenager having her first crush when her boss simply asks her to lunch.

Oh, and the correct way a JW should handle this situation.

Dan: So, how about some lunch?

Sister: Thanks, Dan, but I like to study my Bible during lunch. Thanks, anyway.

Yeah, there are no words for that.

Continued In Part 2.

What Jehovah's Witnesses Tell Their Youth

The following notes closely transcribe the "Listen To Those Who Love You From The Heart" at Jehovah's Witnesses' 2012 Safeguard Your Heart District Convention.

•  Experience is not the best teacher, Jehovah God is. Mistakes are more to be avoided entirely, than learned from.

 The following human teachings are deceptive thinking that God is firmly opposed to...

• Evolution
• Homosexuality is an alternative lifestyle instead of a grievous sin.
• Higher Education (education beyond legal requirement of HS diploma) is best and/or necessary.
• That there is no absolute truth.
• Mankind can fix our problems.

What Else Are They Told?

• Good advice can only come from Jehovah and those that love him (only Jehovah's Witnesses).
• "Wise persons" as referred to in (Proverbs 13:20) are only active JWs and the only viable candidates for friendship and association.
• "Stupid ones" as referred to in the same scripture are ones who do not love Jehovah (aren't JWs) or reject authority in the congregation and dismiss Bible standards.
• Good friends are only JWs.

• That "worldly" teens spend tons of time on social networking wanting to connect to someone but that JW teens don't have to worry about that because they have the worldwide brotherhood as friends.
• That "worldly" teens are depressed by the state of the world that they are inheriting but that JW teens don't have to worry because they know that they will soon be happy in a perfect world.
• "Worldly" teens make mistake after mistake that will seriously affect them for the rest of their lives but that JW teens don't need to worry about that if they follow Jehovah's counsel from the Bible.

If You Leave The Watchtower Organization...

• You will lose your friendship with God.
• You will lose the worldwide brotherhood.
• You will lose wisdom & discernment
• Even if you pursue happiness outside the organization you will always be burdened by the anxiety and despair that results from a guilty conscience.

Welcome To Existence

I appreciate depth in writing.

For instance, while being a young twenty-something; my favorite book is Margaret Mitchell's Gone With The Wind rather than Stephanie Myer's Twilight (no offense, SM and fans. As a saving grace, I do love RP).

I'm just trying to illustrate that I read with purpose just as I write; with a purpose.

I may ramble for fun, but my words are never for nothing.

I write for insight and with much feeling.

Before you waste time reading the endless posts of a twenty-year-old maverick you'd rather spend elsewhere, let me explain why I'm here.

I was raised one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

I started studying at nine years of age and while mistakenly believing that the only way I'd ever been told to live was the best way to live; was baptized at 17.

A mere two years later, I was reeling from grief and the depression I'd suffered with most of my teenage years. Once I recovered, I decided that the guilt that suffocated me over the harmless vices I had acquired was wholly unnecessary.

My vices and my arts were what helped me heal after losing my father in death.

My vices were never acceptable in the religion and once I was done feeling guilty about them I realized I was not what I preached.

And the last thing I wanted to be was a hypocrite.

So, I decided to leave. Keep in mind, I still felt the Witnesses had the absolute truth when it came to God and the Bible and believed that their doctrines were sound.

The witnesses claim that all who leave their religion leave for amoral purposes, because they couldn't live up to the high moral standards outlined in the Bible.

And they would be correct in their assumptions...to a point.

Because, looking for support, I scoured the web and my search was not a long one.

I discovered freeminds.org, jehovahswitnessrecovery, jwfacts.org, jehovahs-witness.net, silentlambs.org and 4witness.org.

I got 75 percent through Ray Franz' Crisis Of Conscience before my mother found it and took it back to the library.

But, see, she was too late.

Because I had seen it with my own eyes. Reading Ray's references to the Watchtower magazine that proved that the society falsely prophesied Armageddon for 1975, I set out to prove it.

I used the Watchtower Library (the society's own research tool) and looked up every article he mentioned. He quoted them correctly just as I knew he had. The Watchtower makes out like all former members that publish information about the group are embittered, power-hungry liars.

Ray Franz was the furthest thing from that description, it was evident in his tone from the very first chapter of his book.

Ray was not a liar. I already knew that.

But like they say, seeing is believing.

So, like I said, Mom was too late.

I took the red pill.

Learned the truth about "The Truth".

A secret truth you can't unhear, a bell you can't unring.

I began thinking about all the passions I had harbored but never got to express, and how even the smallest of my creative outlets was policed by the society and subsequently my mother.

All the things I never got to try, and the things I was told I could not do.

I couldn't be a writer, or an actor. I couldn't write music and learn to play it. I couldn't have a career. I couldn't go to college for a real live degree.

And then, a light bulb went off over my head and I realized that I could finally shred that life-long lists of "Don'ts".

Now? It's my "To Do List".

As the song lyrics state for the description of this blog, everyone has vices and mine is the illusion.

Both the art I take in and create.

As my favorite band says, "Goodbye, apathy".

I tired of putting off my life for a day that never comes, a perfect world that will never exist.

I want to feel and live.

It's not the end of days. It's just the beginning.